To Know But Not Be Known

Today it happened.
Today was the day that my memories were all that are left.
Today was the day that the eyes that have loved me and cared for me looked hard to try to know me and yet could not.
Today was the day that I knew would come.
And prayed never would.

Today was the day that I know but was not known.

Today I was not my mother's daughter. That memory for my grandmother didn't exist.
Today I was no one.
Today I was a name.
Today I was a hand holding hers and her holding it back out of politeness.
Today "I love you" was only a response because I said it first.

Today I was lost to my grandma who has progressing dementia.
Today she was sick and needed help and I went but she didn't know me.
Today I was a stranger in her room...in her house...in her eyes...in her mind.

All day I have told myself that I am ok with this.
All day I have thanked God for the time that I have had with my grandma and the fun, sweet, wonderful memories that I have of being with her.
All day I have been able to let go of her.
All day I have been ok with the not knowing.
Until now.